It's not easy being a heterosexual man in a culture that worships the ideal of perfect families. The pressure of keeping wife and kids happy makes some men wish they would die. I haven't found any statistics for America, but in Europe, suicide is far more common among men. It's two to one. While most women who commit suicide end their life in their teens or early twenties, men tend to be the most vulnerable in their thirties.

I think it has a lot to do with men's inability to keep their friends after marriage. While most women I know have close female friends, the heterosexual men seem far more likely to let their friendships slip away. It's sad really, but I have met quite a few divorced men who say they ended up all by themselves when they no longer had their wife to come home to. They discovered they had absolutely no one to talk to.

Depressing as it is, this entry on Anthony Bradley's blog is refreshing in its straightforward approach to this very male problem:

Families like the Keatons and the Cosbys (like the Cleavers and Nelsons of a previous generation) were presented as the pinnacle and fullest expression of life on earth.This is what you want fellas, a beautiful wife, a few kids, a nice house, a good job ... then comes retirement, grandchildren and you die a fulfilled man. Ahh, what a life!

Guess what? Lots of guys are finding out the hard way that in the real world having the perfect "American family" image is the rare exception. Here's the truth: lots of guys I know are in completely miserable marriages, many (I mean MANY) wives have committed adultery, kids have chronic illnesses, guys hate their jobs are stuck because of debt, divorced (even though they swore they were not going to do what their parents did by splitting up), many wives want to leave their husbands because they don't make enough money, lots of "great guys" never marry, many can't get over addictions because after praying for 12-15 years they've discovered that it "doesn't work," depression, dealing with their own sexual abuse at a late age, mulling over a very long list of regrets, wanting to pack it all up and go "into the wild," your daughter has a reputation for being a "slut," your son's already a pot head, etc. And for guys that I talk to who aren't Christians or part of any religious tradition some of the issues are worse than these.

Or even worse, you could be one of those guys whose wife just cuts him down and emasculates regularly (daily).

I don't always know how to respond to hearing "bro, I want to die," knowing that the guy is serious. Very serious. How were men taught to handle the dreams and expectations that never come true. How much of it is evny, the "grass is greener" syndrome, or mystery?

(Seen in picture are the Keatons from the 1980s sitcom Family Ties.)