I think you are making a mistake (that you probably don't like making yourself) in moralizing over the womans decision.

Different people and different couples have different boundaries of "allowable" activities and boundaries of trust, what is important is that people are aware what their partner accepts and doesn't accept (and can make a decision whether they are ok with it).

For some people virtual sex might be a breach of trust, whereas others are quite alright with their partner having sex with others, for most of us the boundary is probably somewhere in between.
But it is a mistake to assert your own values and boundaries on other peoples private affairs, just as much as it is a mistake for other people to assert their lifestyles and sexual preferences on others. You of all people should probably know that.

I agree that people that are jealous of their partners objects of masturbation are doomed to be unhappy, but it is their choice, just as it is for their partner to stay with someone who is that jealous.

Well I should be an expert on this subject. I went through a real cyber chat phase for a few years up until a couple years ago and had several married cyber boyfriends, with children, for a while. The "relationships" lasted off and on for a year or two. We would talk for hours a night, they would tell me things they never told their wives, and they were constantly trying to meet me. It didn't take long for it to move to the phone and they would call me whenever they could, and then often tell me they loved me. It wasn't all about the masturbation, there was much more to it. So it felt pretty real.

And these were not geeks, they were good looking successful mature guys, so it was actually kind of weird that they would waste so time with me that way, especially after they must have realized I had little intention to meet them. But they became more addicted than me. If I was gone for a day or two they would get frantic. I think what it was really about was what a trap marriage can be. If you get the real true inside story, marriage doesn't seem to bring a lot of people that much happiness.

I never met any of them because I didn't want to cross that line. Plus I was nervous to. But I never could settle in my mind whether it was really cheating or not. But these affairs have life cycles just like in real life, and after a while, they just get old, and you have fights and drift apart finally.

And by the way, I did finally meet a single guy who lived locally after he broke up with his girlfriend (actually he made me, because he tracked me down) and we dated off and on for a year and are still friends/dating. Meeting him was just like knowing him for those two years we chatted, he was no different. Actually tell the truth, we have more problems now that we know each other in real life. I often tell him it was all much nicer with us before we met.

Wille,
Of course, it’s up to every couple to have their rules. But it’s idiotic to think that your partner will become a loyal robot with no interest in others the moment you become a couple. Besides, it might be true that people cannot help how they feel about things, but every mature person can learn to accept certain things that seem unacceptable at first.

USAgal,
I have very little experience of cyberdating myself, but I think the reason it’s so popular is that it adds a thrill to a quite dull married life. The guys you dated online probably sought something that made life interesting and resembled that first tickling feeling of excitement that often fades in a long-term relationship. Also, the semi-anonymity of an online relationship makes it easier to be completely honest about things you normally won’t tell anyone. It’s certainly true in terms of sexual fantasies, but also about the most personal thoughts and feelings. In a way, having an online relationship is similar to seeing a shrink: you know that you have the power to leave at any time and that everything you say stays between the two of you.

I am the game.